The Incoherent Panda:
Runs this blog together with Kevin Tromp. In the panda’s own words, “Kevin does all that nerdy writing and internetty stuff, but really I’m the backbone of this blog. I guess you could say that he coordinates, and I chordata-nate. [laughs]” When asked what his role entailed, the panda smirked and said, “I [explicit] sell, that’s what I do.”
Strives to entertain readers by touching on a variety of subjects with his classic Ursine wit.
Doesn’t twerk because even though Panda got back, Panda also got self-respect.
Is not a racist because one of his best friends is a black bear.
Has predicted the world to end on Februari 29th 2083 because of oxygen depletion in the atmosphere due to severe deforestation, increased fossil fuel consumption and of course, antioxidants.
Lives off thirteen ill-timed puns a day, on average. Doctors say he’d die if that number were ever to dwindle below nine.
Doesn’t currently have a beach body but is working towards being the first panda in panda history to boast one. He’ll achieve this using the popular and rigorous method of Instagramming daily pics of him standing idly in the gym. #ItsBlackAndWhiteSoItMustBeTrue #StillBetterThanCrossfitThough
Has reportedly sued WWF for slandering the noble panda race, stating “we’re not all freaking hippies! And also, their t-shirt selection could use some work.”
No pandas, be it real or fictional, were harmed during the making of this blog.